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Archive for April, 2009

Look what Xythian made!

Look what Xythian made!

Look what Xythian made!

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So, I’m sitting here in the student union building, trying to organize a paper.  I had a nice sub sandwich, and a small container of HFCS-free chocolate milk.  I’m at a small, single person table, lining the wall, and I am at one table in a long line of tables.  There is a PA system playing easy listening music that spans the generations.  Easy to tune out until a familiar song comes along (like, right now, “I Say a Little Prayer“) Since I’ve been sitting here for several hours, people have come and gone, and the scenery has changed a few times.

The person who has chosen to sit in front of me is making me die inside.  Why, you ask?  She went to Starbucks and got some kind of iced beverage.  That beverage has been consumed, and all that remains is a Venti-sized pain in the ass in the form of a cup of ice.  Every 15-22 seconds, she picks up the cup, takes off the lid, shakes the cup of ice to loosen it, and pours an ice cube into her mouth.

And then she chews it.  CRUNCH. CRUNCH. CRUNCH.  It’s anywhere from 5-8 crunches. –sorry, I lost my train of thought, she shook the cup and didn’t take any ice–

I can’t stand the sound of people chewing.  Usually, if the room is crowded and its loud enough, it’s not a big deal.  And if I’m sitting at a table and everyone is crunching, including me, it doesn’t really bother me.  Wet chewing has never really bothered me, but hard crunchy REPETITIVE chewing just instantly sends me into an unadulterated rage.  If I can hear teeth clashing together, in addition to the crunching sounds, you’d better fucking start running-me hulk, me angry, me smash you.

Forbidden foods:

Sourdough pretzels

Too many croutons on a salad

Crunching fucking ice in public–are you not aware of the people around you, lady?  Srsly!

Mother fucking ice.

Mother fucking ice.

I wonder if I should mention to her that she either a) has an iron deficiency b) could have other nutritional problems c) could have pica d) is a fucking idiot who needs to be aware of others around her, including the angry person behind her who doesn’t like CRUNCHY NOISES.  But, I’m probably just being a dick–I mean, people are selling chew-friendly ice and making a ton of money!

I’d rather have the ice crunching than gum popping.  So, I will refrain from enacting violence upon her, because she might not know that she’s being noisy. As she is getting up to leave, I realize she’s had an iPod in her ears this entire time.  She couldn’t hear her crunchiness.  GAHHHHHHHHHH iPods!

Chewable Ice from Taco Time

Chewable Ice from Taco Time

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